(Source: darkene, via mushroomvision)
(via mushroomvision)
At a decent time, at a decent age.
Briefing everything that races through the streams in our heads. The challenge of words, my first attempt of creating a home for myself.
That’s my deepest desire having everything of my own pleasure, enclosed in my own walls. It must sound irrelevant, but its the one experience I’ve never experienced.
I’ve always seemed to land in the strangest places, assorting myself to everybody else’s accords. And yes, there were those who were self righteous enough to put me before them. But who was I? Always feeling horrible as if I wasn’t worthy enough. Worthy enough to have my own things… Which I was, I just didn’t realize it then, because I wasn’t surrounded by people.
Isn’t that crazy? I’ve never told anybody that. But from the months of March until the month of August I really, I don’t exaggerate, didn’t see people. I spent countless days after days.. literally watching the same movies only waiting for him to come home just so that he could leave again. This made me so bruised I cannot let anybody close again, I cannot freely love anymore. And so I joined the army and ran away for 5 months.
I realized, maybe a little late, the importance of our independence. All that I want is to be independent. Not involving anybody in anything, because it just seems so much easier not having to explain yourself when your not so good with words.
To have your own place to call home is my very own definition of independence. I’ve come across so many different homes and everybody’s screams their own personality. Well I want to spend my time building my home, my foundation. If only I knew where to start. Those are the things running through my head right now. The things of importance… at a decent time, at a decent age.
"As a bio major, I figured “free will” meant chemicals in your brain telling you what to do, the molecules bouncing around in a way that felt like choosing but was actually only the dance of little gears—neurons and hormones bubbling up into decisions like clockwork. You don’t use your body; it uses you.- Scott Westerfield"
The Cardigans-Lovefool
:D Sweet old jams…
